MY PARTNER LEFT ME! Final, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

 

I ask Katy to play, and she agrees.  When I enter the playing room, I feel all eyes are upon me, wondering why I’m not playing with Boots.  I hope Boots isn’t there.  The doubts begin all over again.  However, Katy joins me quickly and steers me over to the hospitality table. We talk and laugh and carry on like nothing in the world could possibly be wrong.  I begin to feel much better.  When Boots comes in I pretend I don’t even see her.  As we play, nobody mentions a thing, or asks about why Boots and I are not partners today.  I begin to realize everyone probably knows Boots better than I do.

Time passes, and I get another steady partner.  She and I get along well and we agree to be up front with each other from the get-go.  I don’t worry, just go with the flow.  I now realize that, sooner or later, all things change; it is a natural progression in life.  We have what we need now, and later we will have what we need later.  I trust in Providence.

As Elvis croons, “You make me so lonely baby, I get so lonely, I get so lonely I could die.”  But I didn’t die, and I won’t.  A new partner, and a few wins, will be my best revenge.                                                 ***

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MY PARTNER LEFT ME! Part 3, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

 

A Sectional is coming up, so I call Boots to make arrangements.  Surely by now Missy has found a partner she wants to try out.  Boots is a bit hesitant.  Finally, she confesses.  “Well, I’m so sorry, Suzy.  I feel more in sync with Missy than I realized.  I’d really like to play with her full-time.  Naturally, you and I could still play together once in a while.  I’ve learned so much playing with you and I’m forever in your debt.”  Blood drains from my face, I feel my heart racing, I don’t know what to say.  I certainly don’t feel I can say what I would like to say.  So I don’t say anything.  I just gently put down the phone.

How did this happen?  Did I do something wrong?  How could Boots be so cruel?  What a blow.

I decide not to play that day.  Instead I have a leisurely lunch, accompanied by a glass of wine, or two, or three.  Then I call my good friend, Katy.

I cry into the phone, telling it all.  Katy soothes me.  She explains that Boots is always like this, jumping from partner to partner, thoughtlessly leaving a trail of bewildered ex-partners behind.  She assures me it is not personal.  I am somewhat mollified, and instead of doubt, I begin to feel rage.  How dare she?  What a backstabber.  I cannot believe I fell for her line.  What a fool.

***

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SHOULD I PLAY WITH MY SPOUSE? Final, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

I have a regular bridge partner, however, and believe me, it can be hard enough playing with your best friend, never mind your spouse.  Sometimes I think the only reason my partner and I have survived over 20+ years of bridge is that we don’t have to go home together.  We are both first-borns and both Taurus’s.  Need I say more?  However, we are also good communicators and very persistent.  We are both total bridge nuts.  We have similar interests outside of bridge (yes, sometimes there is life outside of bridge).  So we have survived and enjoyed the journey.

I did run across a rare couple who has been married for 45 years and has spent 35 of those years playing bridge together.  They assure me they still speak to each other – on Sunday mornings, around 8 a.m.  Even they are not immune, however.  They confess they do say things to each other they wouldn’t dare say to other bridge partners, but they always manage to return to the bridge table the next day in good spirits.

Back to “Should I play with my spouse?”  Only you can answer that one.  Think it over carefully.  Remember, you will not only be bridge partners, you will bring your marriage with you.  Then, whatever your choice, go out, bring home those masterpoints, and have a great time.

PS – I wouldn’t recommend keeping a loaded gun in the house…

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love.” – Ann Landers.          

***

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SHOULD I PLAY WITH MY SPOUSE? Part 5, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

Of course one answer to this dilemma, a sort of have your cake and eat it too solution, is to encourage your spouse to take lessons and find a regular partner of his own.  This way you can go to your local club together, travel to tournaments together, yet avoid the stress of competing together.  You can compare notes afterward, revel in your individual glories and blame the rest on your respective, non-spouse partners.

Do I play with my spouse?  Not at the bridge table.  We are definitely not a 24/7 kind of couple.  We enjoy our together-time – dining out, cruising, family vacations at the beach.  We also enjoy the space our respective hobbies give us.  I’m a bridge addict, he is aLas Vegastrekkie.  By the way, in case you are skeptical at this point, we have been married 33 years.                               ***

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SHOULD I PLAY WITH MY SPOUSE? Part 3, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

It can be an especially delicate situation when the wife is the more experienced player, and the marriage is fairly traditional.  The questions of decision making, power, and gender roles can come into play.  A husband may not be used to taking lessons from his wife, or having suggestions for improvement made by her.  (My poor husband was quite used to that type of treatment, I’m afraid.  And he didn’t even play bridge.)  This can initially cause friction and a feeling of insecurity on the part of the beginning bridge player/husband.  He may even feel threatened.  The wife must be prepared to use the utmost tact and diplomacy, and prepare a lot of candlelight dinners.  The upside is that the experience may broaden both persons’ views and habits and actually enhance the relationship in the long run.  If you are not both having fun within a few months, however, you may want to redesign your goals.  Sometimes bit-sized pieces of time away from glaring lights are the way to go, rather than long drawn-out tournaments.

Of course if the desire and innate ability is there, a spouse can be a fun partner.  Once you get the basics down, you are usually in sync, since you understand each other well, which boosts your potential for success considerably.  The trick is that at least one of you should have a very loving, go-with-the-flow, forgiving nature.  The type that doesn’t hold grudges.  The type for whom the experience is worth all else.  Keep this in mind.                                               ***

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SHOULD I PLAY WITH MY SPOUSE? Part 2, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

A great deal depends on temperament and personality.  Is your spouse an outdoors person?  Is he always on the move, doing, going, never sitting still?  I doubt that he would like sitting in a room full of characters for 3+ hours trying to learn a foreign language, all for some kind of ephemeral “master points”.

On the other hand if your spouse loves games, puzzles, meeting a variety of personalities, he might enjoy your favorite hobby.  If your spouse is also analytical and competitive he would probably fit right in.

Has your spouse ASKED about joining you in your hobby?  This is a major key.  If you have played for a while, are really getting into it, and your spouse still hasn’t made a move or shown interest, it probably won’t happen.  This is a clue not to ask him/her to join you.  Your ever faithful and loyal partner may feel they should say “yes” just to please you.  Wrong answer.

Another key is how far your spouse would have to go to catch up with you in the bridge experience.  It is generally easier for a partnership to begin learning and playing at the same time, so that they are at somewhat the same level.  This way there is no temptation for the more experienced spouse to play the expert, to continually advise, teach, admonish, and even, heaven forbid, criticize – sometimes even in a loud voice with extreme facial expressions (not that I know anyone like this).                           ***

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SHOULD I PLAY WITH MY SPOUSE? Part 1, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

“There is no peace among equals because equality doesn’t exist in this universe.  Either one prevails and the other follows, or both negotiate their differences and create a greater partnership.” – Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt.

This is an age-old question.

First of all let me say that I am not against playing with your spouse.  I am just against playing with my spouse…

There are many factors that enter into this equation.  You may feel you owe it to your spouse to ask if he or she wants to learn bridge and play with you.  Do not feel obligated.  Sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.  It may be judicious to let certain opportunities for togetherness pass you by in the interests of the “till death do us part” kind of togetherness.

Married couples tend, after a while, to take each other for granted.  They feel they can say just about anything to each other and be understood.  They also expect a lot of each other, and want to be able to rely on their mate’s intelligence and protection.  A spouse may not realize that the bridge arena does not equate to the privacy of one’s living room.  It is a competitive, ego-filled battleground, full of uncertainty and pitfalls.  It takes a lot of self-confidence and flexibility to escape unscathed.  New environments can be unsettling.  A spouse may appear, at the bridge table, to resemble Frankenstein.  “Who is this person?” his mate may wonder.  Love does not always conquer all.  It needs a lot of help.

In fact, a story is told about a woman who shot her husband when he trumped her Ace – for the third time.  She was acquitted.  The foreman was said to be a bridge player.

***

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LEBENSOHL OVER NT INTERFERENCE – Revised, of Course – Cathy Hunsberger

Those pesky opponents.  Always interfering, preempting, bidding like they had something.  Don’t they realize they should keep quiet?  Make things easy for us?  Unfortunately, those days are over.  So we just have to get on with it, and figure out how to outfox them when they pull their crazy stunts.

Nowadays, opponents even bid over a strong NT!  Don’t they have any respect at all?  Fortunately, there are tools to deal with those brash upstarts.  Lebensohl is one of them.

***

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Lebensohl is a convention designed by George Boehm to enable responder to deal with overcalls after a 1NT bid by opener.  The original structure was:

1.         a)  A double of a natural two level overcall is for penalties

b)  A double of an overcall showing two suits is for penalty of one of the two suits

2.         A two level overcall is natural and non-forcing.  Responder has a 5+ card suit and just wants to compete at a low level.

3.         All three level bids are natural and game forcing

4.         3NT shows values for 3NT but denies a stopper in the enemy suit.

Responder may have a stopper in one of the suits if the opponent’s bid shows a two-suiter.

5.         A cue bid shows four cards in the unbid major(s) and denies a stopper

6.         2NT forces opener to be 3C.  Over the 3C bid, responder can:

a)  sign off by passing 3C or by bidding a new suit lower in rank than the enemy suit

b)   cue bid, which shows a stopper in the enemy suit plus a four card major(s)

c)  bid 3NT, which shows values WITH a stopper

d)  bid a suit higher in rank than the enemy suit, which is  INVITATIONAL

The revised version simply reverses steps 3 and 6 in meaning.  A bid at the three level by responder is now INVITATIONAL, while the 2NT bid forcing a 3C response starts a FORCING auction.  This gives responder more flexibility, and gets his suit in quickly before the advancer (4^th hand) can block bidding of responder’s suit by raising the overcalled suit, thus shutting his opponents out.  This fine tunes the bidding war.  Otherwise, when 1NT is overcalled by 2S, for example, and responder has a 6-card heart suit with 8-9 points, he can’t bid his suit without lying about his hand.  A 3 level bid would be forcing; a 2NT bid will simply allow the opponents to bid 3S, at which point opener and responder are guessing.  Opener doesn’t know partner’s suit or point count.  With the reverse Lebensohl, responder can bid 3H, invitational, with no worries.  Then is a 3S bid comes along, opener will know what to do.  With a forcing hand, responder can bid 2NT; now if the opponents bid 3S, responder can bid 4H with no problem, or double if he feels so inclined.

For those of you who already play Lebensohl, this might come in handy.  For those of you who don’t, you may want to consider it.  It takes a while to remember it all, but it is very efficient and eliminates a lot of guesswork.

Meanwhile, you can see the problems all this overcalling causes the opponents.  There are several conventions that help you accomplish this dirty work.  Cappelletti (Capp) and DON’T are two of the most popular.  Now that you can see how troublesome you can make it for your opponents, look these conventions up and try one out.  They’re fun and can get you some good results.  But beware, your opponents won’t like it one bit.

UPSIDE DOWN COUNT AND ATTITUDE SIGNALS, from Cathy Hunsberger

Defending can be viciously difficult.  You have to count distribution, for all four hands.  You have to count points, for all four hands.  Thank goodness for dummy.  At least after the opening lead you have ¼ of the problem solved.  Of course you have clues from the bidding, but when it goes 1NT – 3NT, those clues can be minimal.

A good partnership always has a set agreement about leads, carding, and signals.  Some like standard, some odd/even, and some, like myself, like upside down.  It doesn’t matter so much what you use, as long as you agree on something.  Otherwise you are operating in the dark – your flashlight battery has burned out.

When partner leads, you want to tell him if you like his lead or not.  If you discard, you want to tell your partner something about your hand.  You want to draw as detailed a roadmap as possible, so that you don’t lose any precious defensive tricks.

In standard, you play high if you like a lead, low if you don’t.  With upside down, you reverse the process.  You play low if you like a lead, high if you don’t.

In standard, you play high-low if you have an even number of cards, and low-high if you have an odd number of cards.  With upside down, you reverse the process.  High-low shows an odd number of cards, low-high an even number of cards.

What is the advantage?  You can encourage the lead or continuation of a suit without wasting a high card in the suit, one that might come in handy later.  It also makes it more difficult for declare to false-card effectively.

You can also use upside down on your first discard.  The same principles apply.  A low card says “I have an Ace or a King in this suit, pard,” and a high card says, “I can’t help you out here.”

Of course, as partner of the player giving the signal, you have to look at the spots in your hand and in dummy before you automatically assign a ‘low’ or ‘high’ status to your partner’s card.  The 2-5 is usually low, but if you see that between you and dummy only the 4 and 7, in terms of low cards, are missing, then the 7, perhaps even the 8, can be a low card.  Like any convention, you have to think once in a while rather than always be on automatic pilot.

The automatic pilot syndrome is why I personally prefer upside down to odd/even.  In that system, an odd card encourages and an even card discourages.  If a player does not have the appropriate card, it can stymie partner.  All partner sees is an odd or even card, and leads accordingly, even if it doesn’t make any sense.  In-depth thinking can be just too exhausting.

Once again, it doesn’t matter which count and attitude system you prefer, as long as you and your partner agree, and use, something.  Meanwhile, be aware of the system your opponents are using.  You don’t want to be in the dark as declarer, either!

THE TRUST FACTOR, Final, from Cathy Hunsberger’s classic book

I must confess, I have learned the hard way myself.  Partner and I had just agreed to play weak jump shifts in competition.  I opened 1-H, my LHO bid 2-C, and partner bid 3-D.  There were stars in my eyes.  I drove all the way to 6-D with my oh-so-appealing two-suiter.  After being doubled, vulnerable, and going down 1100, I realized all was not as I had envisioned.  I never forgot the competitive WJS again.  My tactful partner remained silent throughout.

If a mentor makes a creative deviation from the expected bid or play, the logic involved is subsequently explained.  If a beginner makes a mistake, the preferred bid or play is outlined later, and he begins to see the light.  He maintains his trust in his partner and his skills become well honed.  There are no bewildering pyrotechnics (like screaming, “You dunce!”) to unnerve him.  Hard going initially, perhaps, but the end result is gratifying.  You both had a vision, and worked hard.  Now you both can enjoy the results, as you rack up those points.

So, to engender success, be a trustworthy and supportive partner, and mentor.  You will win more often, and more importantly, will preserve a smooth-flowing relationship.

You might even find this to be effective in “real” life.

 “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

***

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Also available at amazon.com!

If you prefer an e-book visit ebooksbridge.com.